Finding Magic

I spend my days in search of and finding magic. I can take the tiniest thing and turn it into something wondrous, I love that about me. Armed with my camera, I try to capture my world and post it for all who are interested.

Feelings of Failure

I was given a chance to do something new, exciting and nerve racking and that was to come as an "honored" guest photographer for a dance benefit and in my eyes, I failed the task. The minute I walked into the badly lit theatre, I knew I was in trouble. I took a few test shots from different locations and I was unable to get anything of significance. I am a dancer so, I love watching dance but this was absolutely the worst time I have ever had watching a dance performance and by the time the show ended, I had aged 20 years. I am laughing now but that night, I felt so defeated. Don't get me wrong, I loved the dances but with every click a feeling of despair hang over my head, some how I knew I wasn't living up to my expectations. I wanted to blame it on the recently purchased camera but no, I think it was just my skill level, and my son who is a photographer and has done many photo shoots tried to make me feel better by telling me that this was a great thing and that it would help me to grow, but, I was inconsolable until I found an email that explained to the company director that the lighting would be a problem but I would come and try to capture something. In the end, the dancers were very appreciative of the photos and I thanked them and tried to move forward. You see, I am out of practice when it comes to failure and that is because I am not taking any chances, which is not a good thing. In order to stay in the game called life, I need to continue to put myself out there to learn new things, move out of my comfort zone, be daring, embrace new challenges and learn from my not so successful ventures. By doing this, I will always be a winner.

Trying to Capture My Flow on Film

These days, when I leave home, I always have my camera with me. Most of the time I have my little digital in my purse and my 35mm film camera around my neck. I have enjoyed taking photos since I was sixteen but lately if I leave my 35mm, I feel like an appendage is missing, it has become part of me, an extension of me, a third eye hanging from my body. This strong attachment has occurred over the last two years or, ever since I joined facebook. I wanted to show people who I am so I started taking my cameras everywhere to try and capture what I think is a magical life, on film and digital. In trying to capture my life, my flow, I have really grown to love this medium of expression. I am always looking for pictures that explain the magical world that I live in. Recently I spent time sitting on a beach that was composed of sea glass, and I wanted let people on my page see what I saw although nothing beats seeing it with your naked eye. In the beginning I used my camera and video to show the magical space I call home and then I moved out and about to show my bay area playground and how it is possible to have fun doing the simple things in life. I am really starting to fancy myself as a photographer and people have suggested that I take some classes, I thought about it and decided against it. I am not interested in being trained to see the world through some teacher's eyes. I want the compositions to be my own and not that of the teacher. People say that you should learn the rules and techniques and then you can stray from them and do your own thing but for me that doesn't make sense, I am having fun doing what I am doing and being graded or critiqued in a classroom will probably not bring me much joy. So, I will continue to try and capture my world and my joy on film on my own.

The New Dreadlock Generation

The new dreadlock generation are doing a little bit too much in the way of trying to dictate what our locs should look like and how we should care for them. They show blatant disregard for those who have come before them. Back in the day they referred to us as dirty and nasty and it turns out that they still do the same thing in the year 2010. They exhibit photos of rastas and place them under a category entitled "neglect," and they call it nasty because of the way it looks and many post comments, like, "nasty, lol, I'm glad that is not on my head," and they call it dirty because they don't like the way it looks. I know that this goes both ways because an older brotha just told me that he calls this new loc generation, "pasta rastas," because they are plastic, they lack culture, and because of their tiny uniformed spaghetti one size and all the same length hair." So, they are also being judged but as, a backlash because they are putting themselves up as judge and jury when it comes to this ancient powerful hair. Since this hair has been taken over by the masses, they have diluted some of the powerful energy that can be manifested through wearing locs. They are an antennae to the spirit world and there used to be a definite initiation period. As they grew with little interference other then, sun, water and love, it reached a stage when you knew it needed to simmer and you donned your crown that you learned to crochet, and then, like a caterpillar creating and entering its cocoon, you emerged a butterfly. That was the magic of growing locs. I no longer feel that magic with this new dreadlock generation, it is just a hairstyle and when they post blogs concerning their hair journeys, they get caught up in which products to use because, for many of the new locked masses, this was not considered a relevant style until they could take it into the shop and until that had products to plaster on them. It had to become profitable for the masses to jump on the bandwagon. So where is the magic, where has it gone?The mainstream masses have taken over this ancient powerful hair and that means that it has come down from the mountain tops and been dragged into the mainstream where it diluted and mixed with all manners of stuff and its meaning and magic has been wiped away for the masses but, there are still those on the mountain tops that are connecting to the cosmos through there powerful locked antennae!

Museums

I am having a fun and interesting summer, the only thing missing is more sunshine. I have memberships to most of the main museums in the bay area and I have for some time so why is it that almost every time I walk into a museum there is some pin head, treating me as though I have just discovered that these places exist, and even though I am a member, they seem to want to ignore that fact. If they are not running up to me to check and make sure that I didn't enter without paying, they are trying to explain things to me as if they are speaking to a two year old. What the hell is this about, and tell me how I could possibly enter without paying? I want to toot my own horn, I stand out in a crowd so, how could I possibly squeak by guards? This has happened in every one of the museums and now, I am tired and poised to take down the next jackass that steps to me, because you see, I realize that this is a Black thing, and the perpetrators are both white and Black. For some ignorant reason, they have it in their heads that I am some kind of intruder so, whenever I enter a museum they feel the need to approach me to see what I am doing and how did I get in the building. I have had security guards run across the room to check to see if I had indeed paid, one security guard told me that I was in the European art section and that the African American art was on the other side. These two guards were both Black, wtf!!! I have been followed around as if I am going to steal the art, I have had a white worker make a big scene by welcoming us to the museum and telling us that he was there to answer any of our questions because of course this had to be our first time and seeing that it was Martin Luther King's birthday the day before, he felt compelled to do this. To the inexperienced eye and ear maybe this would have come off as something positive but in reality it came off as trying to accent the fact that we were obviously strangers in a strange land, museum land. Now we are reporting people for bad behavior and the people in charge appear to be embarrassed at what their employees are doing. I have decided that I have to take these ignorant people down by embarrassing them because after all this is what they are attempting to do to me. Well there is still two weeks before summer officially ends and I plan to keep going to visit my museums so, I will keep you posted.

Individualist- simple rhymes

I'm an individualist
and I mean no harm to thee
I simply live my life for me
they say we live many lives
but this is the only one I can see
so let me be
a slow growing tree
who loves her daily cup of tea
and praying by the sea
for I mean no harm to thee
this is my key
thereby filling my life with harmony
they never taught this to me
at the university
Individualist, that's me
you may agree or disagree
but this is not a plea
it's a decree
I mean no harm to thee
not to be you, for this is my life
I simply choose to be me
flowing free
here and beyond
into
infinity

What's Been Missing

Yesterday I had such a wonderful time at Hummingbird cottage for the very reason that it was the first time in about two years that I had a guest in the cafe. I think I am spending far too much time alone and although I am told that in several of my past lives, I was a monk, and that much of my life was spent in isolation in prayer and meditation, being alone too much bugs the crap out of me in this life time. I love seeing the faces of my visitors when I open the door to my magical jewel box of a dwelling. I know that it is a special place that I have filled with all sorts of trinkets, talismans, shells, bones, colors, sounds, fragrances, and more but will my guest get it? It turns out that when I follow my intuition as to whom I invite to my cottage, I am always on point because they are magical beings also and can totally enjoy what I have created.